Socialism’s Cruel Illusion
- Feeding the Body, Starving the Spirit
by Lilia Slavova (ACAT Speakers Bureau)
I came from a system where government officials controlled every aspect of your life, and every government official was Harvey Weinstein
I want you to imagine a place where kids are playing on the streets freely all day long, they go home and have the most delicious meal with their parents and grandparents, no television, no distractions, stories are told at the table, songs are sung.
Education is free from nursery school to the highest college degree, plus free healthcare, sports camps, arts camps, and music camps – all free. There is virtually no crime on the streets.
Summer vacations are spent at the mountains or the seashore - almost free, thanks to the government-sponsored unions we belong to.
If you are a mother, you have three years after you give birth to stay home and take care of your child. You continue to get a big percentage of your salary the entire time.
Yes, that is how I lived for almost 30 years in my native country of Bulgaria … until one day I woke up.
Yes, I was awakened, shaken and I ran…. Ran from this Utopia, disillusioned, heartbroken and sad, really sad.
It turned out it was all an ILLUSION… A BIG ILLUSION! A BIG LIE we were living with! Brainwashed and submissive human beings.
Looking back at my life in Bulgaria, I still have fond memories of all the positive things I had in my upbringing. From the great childhood, to the solid education, and great health and dental care. But it all seems very strange, looking back at it from my perspective now.
Living with Secrets and Fear
It was all hush-hush in our households. In order to protect ourselves, we all had to learn from a very young age to keep secrets.
My grandfather was put in Belene, the famous labor camp. My father was in jail. That is because they had been members of the National Democratic Party before the Communists came.
My father was also prosecuted for helping to organize a youth organization called ‘Brannik’ in 1940. It was modeled after the youth organizations they had in Italy and Germany at the time, but was anticommunist. My aunt was in my father’s unit. She was also prosecuted. In addition, after arguing with her about her beliefs, communists at the University of Sofia beat her up and raped her in a basement at the school in 1946 when she was 18. She was expelled from the university and labeled an enemy of the state. After that, she struggled for years to find a decent job.
My aunt, who passed away in 2017, was also vice-president for many years of an organization of oppressed people, starting in 1989. Her story was written up in a book by Inna Gyuleva about what happened to oppressed young people after the communists came to power. They were denied higher education and good jobs!
Because of our political affiliations, our past was haunting the whole family.
For my sister and me, it was very obvious that we couldn’t have careers unless we were members of the Communist Party, but there was no way we could join the Party, given our family history. That is why we chose the arts. My sister became a musician and I, an actress. We both had very successful careers! But we both fled communism. Why?
Here are a few stories to help you understand:
One by one, family friends ended up in jail for telling jokes against the government. I was constantly reminded that the political jokes told at the dinner table were supposed to stay there. I was told that the pictures of my father and the former Tzar should never leave the old suitcase. I was told to keep everything that was happening in our household a secret - all the family stories we were told, all the references to our political past, and all the criticism of the new socialist way of life we heard. My grandfather was listening to Radio Free Europe and I was warned not to tell anyone about it. My parents were trying to protect us from a world that had set itself against all the values they had been raised with.
My grandmother, who virtually raised me, was a very religious person, taking me to church every Saturday and Sunday. Under my little church dress, I had a chain with a Christian cross on it, but I had to keep it a secret. I was not to show the chain to anybody or tell them about going to church.
I was a little girl living in fear with secrets to keep.
Sex (the Forbidden Word) and Sexual Harassment
I was becoming a beautiful teenager - very active in sports and arts, thriving in school - but I was becoming confused. Older men on public transportation, in movie theaters, and during concerts approached me with sick suggestions, trying to touch me inappropriately, making me unthinkable offers. I was afraid, afraid to share or complain, too scared to confess even to my parents. I was mortified that they might be punished somehow. There was no sex education of any sort in our society. Even the word ‘sex’ was forbidden to be used publicly. We were the MORAL socialistic world! (Like people were not supposed to have sex?)
I knew from the stories that were told at home just how fake that ‘morality’ was , how women were forced to sleep with their bosses who were Communist Party leaders. The women were all afraid they would be sent to special work camps or deported to rural areas if they did not submit. We had some female friends who ended up in those places because they resisted the pressure.
The promiscuous behavior of Party leaders and their use of elite prostitutes for entertainment were common and tolerated in the ruling circles, while in the mainstream, lower-wage workers were subjected to public censure if they showed any sign of flouting official norms of chastity. Socialist ethics outlawed sexual pleasure as a dangerous distraction from work. The only allowable pleasures for the average citizens were happiness from work and the enjoyment of parenthood. Paying too much attention to sex - or even the family - was believed to diminish productivity at work. Accordingly, sex was absolutely taboo in art. We had to love the Mother Party first, above everyone and everything else.
But that did not stop our Party leaders and even lower-level bosses from molesting young, beautiful girls under their command. Pretty much on an everyday basis, I felt humiliated, intimidated, and disgusted, but I had to put on a brave face and continue on.
Now I was a scared teenager living with more secrets.
Because I was not informed at all about sex, much less educated on the subject, I was confused!
That confusion manifested as me marring very young. After my first encounter with a man, I fell in love, got pregnant, and became scared I would be prosecuted for having sex before marriage. I was surprised to find myself married so young, but marriage protected me for a few years since my husband was a popular, talented, and physically strong man. Other men did not dare approach me then. But the moment I divorced him, I became a target for Party officials and other men who tried to seduce me and make me their lover purely for sexual pleasure.
I was a divorcee during the socialist era, which was a curse.
I had to stay really strong to defend myself against all those predators. Since I was hard working, successful, and confident, I managed to survive with not many incidents.
Brainwashing: Outsmarting the System
I had to try to outsmart a system that was not only brainwashing us but making us lose our own identity. After communism’s destruction of private property, free expression, and free association, we were subjected to an authoritarian regime that restricted ALL our personal freedoms and enforced conformity. We became uniform, with little very left of our own individuality or personality.
From the same ugly school uniforms to the severe haircuts for the boys and braided hair for the girls, we all had to be the same. Pathetically, we all had to recite the same propaganda poems, write the same essays about heroes and political leaders, and cough up the same conclusions praising the socialist way of life!
We had to salute all the time, march and shout ‘hurray!’ at parades, and - trust me - we all hated it. I can’t count the number of times my schoolmates ended up in juvenile detention centers, where the boys’ hair was shaved and the girls’ legs were marked up if their skirt was too short. I kept my head down and followed the rules, but I was always trying to outsmart the system. How? In Bulgaria, everything was a poor copy of what was happening in Russia. For example, we wore black uniforms in school for 12 years. We were supposed to buy them, but mine was handmade. I got sent to the principal’s office for it. So I told them my uniform was Russian because my grandfather was Russian. It was a pure lie, but the principal bought it. The principal also objected to my hairstyle, but I claimed it was fashionable in Russia.
Then, somehow, I always managed to be sick every time we were to march for a state ceremony. But I was always well on May 24th, the day we celebrated our Cyrillic alphabet and native culture.
I was a young girl telling lies on every occasion I didn’t want to be a part of.
I had to avoid being swallowed by the system. Luckily my parents were behind me, understanding and supporting me, even my lies.
I was a girl lying on many occasions in order to outsmart the system.
While the socialist system in our country may have been comfortable economically, it was crushing my spirit and I had to get out.
I was very, very lucky to meet a man who shared my views and beliefs. Together, we planned an elaborate escape to America during the highest point of the Cold War in 1986. I had to leave behind my 6-year-old child, parents, relatives, very successful career, and RUN. My parents were prosecuted for my act by having to report to the militia EVERY SINGLE DAY. Their mail and phone were under surveillance all the time. Luckily, communism fell relatively soon (1989) and finally my life was back in order.
Finally I didn’t have to lie, keep a secret, or be afraid! I found real Freedom in America, the country I call Home now!
- Feeding the Body, Starving the Spirit
by Lilia Slavova (ACAT Speakers Bureau)
I came from a system where government officials controlled every aspect of your life, and every government official was Harvey Weinstein
I want you to imagine a place where kids are playing on the streets freely all day long, they go home and have the most delicious meal with their parents and grandparents, no television, no distractions, stories are told at the table, songs are sung.
Education is free from nursery school to the highest college degree, plus free healthcare, sports camps, arts camps, and music camps – all free. There is virtually no crime on the streets.
Summer vacations are spent at the mountains or the seashore - almost free, thanks to the government-sponsored unions we belong to.
If you are a mother, you have three years after you give birth to stay home and take care of your child. You continue to get a big percentage of your salary the entire time.
Yes, that is how I lived for almost 30 years in my native country of Bulgaria … until one day I woke up.
Yes, I was awakened, shaken and I ran…. Ran from this Utopia, disillusioned, heartbroken and sad, really sad.
It turned out it was all an ILLUSION… A BIG ILLUSION! A BIG LIE we were living with! Brainwashed and submissive human beings.
Looking back at my life in Bulgaria, I still have fond memories of all the positive things I had in my upbringing. From the great childhood, to the solid education, and great health and dental care. But it all seems very strange, looking back at it from my perspective now.
Living with Secrets and Fear
It was all hush-hush in our households. In order to protect ourselves, we all had to learn from a very young age to keep secrets.
My grandfather was put in Belene, the famous labor camp. My father was in jail. That is because they had been members of the National Democratic Party before the Communists came.
My father was also prosecuted for helping to organize a youth organization called ‘Brannik’ in 1940. It was modeled after the youth organizations they had in Italy and Germany at the time, but was anticommunist. My aunt was in my father’s unit. She was also prosecuted. In addition, after arguing with her about her beliefs, communists at the University of Sofia beat her up and raped her in a basement at the school in 1946 when she was 18. She was expelled from the university and labeled an enemy of the state. After that, she struggled for years to find a decent job.
My aunt, who passed away in 2017, was also vice-president for many years of an organization of oppressed people, starting in 1989. Her story was written up in a book by Inna Gyuleva about what happened to oppressed young people after the communists came to power. They were denied higher education and good jobs!
Because of our political affiliations, our past was haunting the whole family.
For my sister and me, it was very obvious that we couldn’t have careers unless we were members of the Communist Party, but there was no way we could join the Party, given our family history. That is why we chose the arts. My sister became a musician and I, an actress. We both had very successful careers! But we both fled communism. Why?
Here are a few stories to help you understand:
One by one, family friends ended up in jail for telling jokes against the government. I was constantly reminded that the political jokes told at the dinner table were supposed to stay there. I was told that the pictures of my father and the former Tzar should never leave the old suitcase. I was told to keep everything that was happening in our household a secret - all the family stories we were told, all the references to our political past, and all the criticism of the new socialist way of life we heard. My grandfather was listening to Radio Free Europe and I was warned not to tell anyone about it. My parents were trying to protect us from a world that had set itself against all the values they had been raised with.
My grandmother, who virtually raised me, was a very religious person, taking me to church every Saturday and Sunday. Under my little church dress, I had a chain with a Christian cross on it, but I had to keep it a secret. I was not to show the chain to anybody or tell them about going to church.
I was a little girl living in fear with secrets to keep.
Sex (the Forbidden Word) and Sexual Harassment
I was becoming a beautiful teenager - very active in sports and arts, thriving in school - but I was becoming confused. Older men on public transportation, in movie theaters, and during concerts approached me with sick suggestions, trying to touch me inappropriately, making me unthinkable offers. I was afraid, afraid to share or complain, too scared to confess even to my parents. I was mortified that they might be punished somehow. There was no sex education of any sort in our society. Even the word ‘sex’ was forbidden to be used publicly. We were the MORAL socialistic world! (Like people were not supposed to have sex?)
I knew from the stories that were told at home just how fake that ‘morality’ was , how women were forced to sleep with their bosses who were Communist Party leaders. The women were all afraid they would be sent to special work camps or deported to rural areas if they did not submit. We had some female friends who ended up in those places because they resisted the pressure.
The promiscuous behavior of Party leaders and their use of elite prostitutes for entertainment were common and tolerated in the ruling circles, while in the mainstream, lower-wage workers were subjected to public censure if they showed any sign of flouting official norms of chastity. Socialist ethics outlawed sexual pleasure as a dangerous distraction from work. The only allowable pleasures for the average citizens were happiness from work and the enjoyment of parenthood. Paying too much attention to sex - or even the family - was believed to diminish productivity at work. Accordingly, sex was absolutely taboo in art. We had to love the Mother Party first, above everyone and everything else.
But that did not stop our Party leaders and even lower-level bosses from molesting young, beautiful girls under their command. Pretty much on an everyday basis, I felt humiliated, intimidated, and disgusted, but I had to put on a brave face and continue on.
Now I was a scared teenager living with more secrets.
Because I was not informed at all about sex, much less educated on the subject, I was confused!
That confusion manifested as me marring very young. After my first encounter with a man, I fell in love, got pregnant, and became scared I would be prosecuted for having sex before marriage. I was surprised to find myself married so young, but marriage protected me for a few years since my husband was a popular, talented, and physically strong man. Other men did not dare approach me then. But the moment I divorced him, I became a target for Party officials and other men who tried to seduce me and make me their lover purely for sexual pleasure.
I was a divorcee during the socialist era, which was a curse.
I had to stay really strong to defend myself against all those predators. Since I was hard working, successful, and confident, I managed to survive with not many incidents.
Brainwashing: Outsmarting the System
I had to try to outsmart a system that was not only brainwashing us but making us lose our own identity. After communism’s destruction of private property, free expression, and free association, we were subjected to an authoritarian regime that restricted ALL our personal freedoms and enforced conformity. We became uniform, with little very left of our own individuality or personality.
From the same ugly school uniforms to the severe haircuts for the boys and braided hair for the girls, we all had to be the same. Pathetically, we all had to recite the same propaganda poems, write the same essays about heroes and political leaders, and cough up the same conclusions praising the socialist way of life!
We had to salute all the time, march and shout ‘hurray!’ at parades, and - trust me - we all hated it. I can’t count the number of times my schoolmates ended up in juvenile detention centers, where the boys’ hair was shaved and the girls’ legs were marked up if their skirt was too short. I kept my head down and followed the rules, but I was always trying to outsmart the system. How? In Bulgaria, everything was a poor copy of what was happening in Russia. For example, we wore black uniforms in school for 12 years. We were supposed to buy them, but mine was handmade. I got sent to the principal’s office for it. So I told them my uniform was Russian because my grandfather was Russian. It was a pure lie, but the principal bought it. The principal also objected to my hairstyle, but I claimed it was fashionable in Russia.
Then, somehow, I always managed to be sick every time we were to march for a state ceremony. But I was always well on May 24th, the day we celebrated our Cyrillic alphabet and native culture.
I was a young girl telling lies on every occasion I didn’t want to be a part of.
I had to avoid being swallowed by the system. Luckily my parents were behind me, understanding and supporting me, even my lies.
I was a girl lying on many occasions in order to outsmart the system.
While the socialist system in our country may have been comfortable economically, it was crushing my spirit and I had to get out.
I was very, very lucky to meet a man who shared my views and beliefs. Together, we planned an elaborate escape to America during the highest point of the Cold War in 1986. I had to leave behind my 6-year-old child, parents, relatives, very successful career, and RUN. My parents were prosecuted for my act by having to report to the militia EVERY SINGLE DAY. Their mail and phone were under surveillance all the time. Luckily, communism fell relatively soon (1989) and finally my life was back in order.
Finally I didn’t have to lie, keep a secret, or be afraid! I found real Freedom in America, the country I call Home now!